I almost quit this weekend. Day 135. I counted again just to be sure, because trusting the data is how I keep the promises I make to myself. Lately they have been hard to keep. I know the pattern by now. When life gets busy, the ball drops. I need structure. I need routines. They work, until there is no time left to pause and hold onto them, and then it all falls apart a little.
Then a busy week arrives
They say it takes about three weeks for a new habit to become routine. That turns out to be a myth. The real research says something closer to 66 days on average, sometimes far longer. I am well past that now too, and I can feel which habits have actually stuck. I am moving more, even though my knees and feet are not always thrilled about it. They still prefer moving to sitting still. I have cut out 97% of the sweets, not all of it, but close. Small changes. My body seems to like them. I feel better, physically and mentally, more days than not.
Then a busy week arrives. Financial worries creep in. The thoughts start spiralling toward every possible disaster. This weekend was one of those. I really did think:
What is the point of trying this hard when the goal is still so far away?
That is the part nobody prepares you for, is learning to sit with not getting what you want right away. I know exactly what that restlessness is. It is dopamine, and it does not care once it gets what it asked for. It just wants more. I have been listening to a book called Taming the Molecule of More by Michael E. Long lately, and it explains that feeling perfectly. Understanding it does not make it easier though.
Knowing why you feel like failing does not stop the feeling.
Trusting the data on the hard days
But this is where the data earns its keep. It takes the judgement out of my feelings, or my feelings out of the judgement, however you want to put it. I do not have to negotiate with how I feel about myself today. I can just look at the numbers and see what is actually happening. My HRV has been climbing and stress levels are coming down. My muscle mass is increasing and fat percentage is lowering. I am moving more, and my metabolism is working better again. That is exactly what this was supposed to do, and it is happening, quietly, the same way everything else about this has happened. Slowly. Subtly.
So no, I am not quitting. I am just trusting the data.
